Post Office Encounter

Well hellooo, everyone. Time for my quarterly update (or so it seems). But I don't really feel like updating so I'll just tell you all a story instead.

Today I had an especially awkward encounter with a gentleman at my local post office. I returned from vacation on Sunday, expecting to receive my mail on Tuesday (I had requested it be delivered to me on Tuesday). Tuesday comes and goes, no mail. Ditto with Wednesday and Thursday. I get incredibly annoyed by today and call them. They inform me that they are not allowed to deliver it to me - I must pick it up. Keep in mind that when I filled out my 'hold mail' request online, usps.com gave me the option to have it delivered to my doorstep. Silly me, clicking the 'deliver to me' button. Silly, silly me.

Anywho, guy at the post office tells me that I have to now come in to pick it up. GRRR. Slash... FINE BY ME if that means I can leave work early to do so. Thank you, government work hours.

So I make my way to the post office this afternoon. The following ensued:

Guy: Let me guess, your postal carrier didn't deliver the mail to you.
Me: No.... the person I talked to earlier today said that you're not allowed to deliver it to me anyway.
Guy: Oh well... I was going to have someone come take it out to you.
Me: Oh... Well... um... I'm here now.

[guy takes my ID]

Guy: Westerville, huh? (Note: I haven't changed my address on my ID... it's still my parents' address. Oops.)
Me: that's where I'm from.
Guy: So you're a richie, huh?
Me: Um... nope.
Guy: You don't have to lie to me.
Me: ................

[Guy awkwardly pauses, then goes to get my mail and returns]

Guy: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. Your carrier's on vacation and the two people filling in for him don't have a single brain between the two of them.
Me: [awkward laugh #1]
Guy: Let me guess, you probably haven't gotten any mail at all this week, even though your hold was only through Tuesday, right?
Me: Right...
[Guy shakes his head in sadness]
Me: Okay... well... thanks!
Guy: You aren't wearing a ring. I'm very observant.
Me: ... nope, I'm not wearing a ring.
Guy: Let me guess, you're probably too good for me. Some brainy genius engineer or something.
Me: [awkward laugh #2] um... nope! I'm an accountant.
Guy: See I was close. Is that your Hyundai out there?
Me: Yep...
Guy: That's a brand new Hyundai. That's probably a 6 cylinder too. Is it?
Me: Um... I literally have no idea.
Guy: You don't know how many cylinders your car has?
Me: Nope.
Guy: Well it looks like a nice car, richie. So you going to be married sometime in the next year?
Me: Uh... maybe? Soonish?
Guy: You got a candidate lined up?
Me: [awkward laugh #3] I hope so!
Guy: Well that's just too bad. You remember me if things don't go well between you two, I'll be here.
Me: [awkward laugh #4]
Guy: Or hey, how about this - if he does something to hurt you, I've also got me a dark black ninja suit...
Me: [incredibly awkward laugh... like... what!?!?!?]
Guy: ... and a Louisville Slugger if you need me to whap him upside the head.
Me: You will be the first person I inform if he does something to hurt me.
Guy: Good, good.
Me: Okay... thanks... BYE!
[i run quickly out the door]

So. Bizarre.

In other news, I have my mail. I just got finished going through it. Apparently that brand new possibly 6-cylinder Hyundai of mine has a recall. FML.