Laughing gas

I just got back from my second dentist appointment, to finish the last of the fillings. Let me just say right now that I truly wish they put me on laughing gas from the moment I enter that building and only take off the gas when I step out. Not necessarily just because of the procedures they do, but because of the stupid, stupid things my dentist says. When I'm on laughing gas, I don't want to punch her as much. I mean, I do, but I at least think it's amusing. Today she was getting a good chuckle out of the fact that the federal government is trying to get rid of the Arizona immigration law but we are also making mortgage brokers get fingerprinted. She then began talking about how terrorists are coming into the US from the southern border because they can pass off as Mexican. In her words: "They can't come in from Canada anymore, because, well, they don't look like Canadians." I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. Then she said that Connecticut or another eastern state has the same laws already in place and no one's making a big deal of that... then she said, "But I mean, they probably don't have to enforce it like they do in Arizona... because like, they're not going to try to get rid of Canadians coming over the border into Connecticut." Who gives these people medical licenses?

But truly, laughing gas is the greatest. I kind of wish I could get my hands on some to use recreationally. While on laughing gas for like, 25-30 minutes straight today, I decided that laughing gas would be my drug of choice. Some people choose weed, some people choose coke, I choose laughing gas. While the dentist was busy annihilating my teeth, I decided that laughing gas gets me to the point where I feel like I'm drunk. But a good drunk. The kind of drunk where you go to the bathroom and all of a sudden you're like, "Holy crap. I'm drunk!" and it just comes on really quickly and in full force. Like... you're pretty drunk but not to the point of being miserable and/or sick. When I close my eyes when I'm on laughing gas, I feel the feeling like when I'm drunk and I finally get to go to bed and I just lay in my bed and think how happy I am to be laying down and not in heels and a dress anymore. THAT kind of drunk.

Well, I suppose that ends my ode to laughing gas.

The poor hygenist from last time was assigned to me again today. She was like, "Are you going to want laughing gas?" And then she realized who I was and said, "Oh yeah. You'll want laughing gas." Hahaha. Oops. Apparently I was memorable last time. What was it, I wonder? The tears? The bitchiness that came out after I had been waiting 50 minutes to get a damn filling? Who knows. Either way, I'm excited that they're so willing to give me laughing gas.

I sound super creepy, I realize, but I have been through more than one traumatizing dentist experience in these past couple of weeks. Let me have my laughing gas, at least.

Oh my slash yay?

Oh dear.

Update on the whole thing on how I'm suddenly going to be a teaching assistant at OSU for a few days in September.

So the last thing I heard about this, I would be leading sessions from 1:30-5 PM on seven separate days in September. Basically the students will be doing problems in teams for half the session, then I'll bring them all together and go over the problems for the second half. This already makes me want to cry. It seems like a lot of pressure. Plus these people are my age, if not older. Sooo... I will have absolutely no authority over these people. Yikes.

Then today I received an email just confirming that I'd be available, etc. The professor in charge ALSO just informed me that I will likely need to prepare 4-6 HOURS for EACH DAY of teaching. OMG. Whaaaat??! Seriously?!?!? This is becoming a MUCH more intense thing than I thought. Keep in mind that I was originally asked if I'd like to 'grade papers.'

...

So I mean, there's that. They DID say they'd pay me for my preparation, so... that's a perk. I'm going to be getting WAY more money than I'd previously thought. I'm thinking this 7 day gig will land me about $650 (pre-tax). So... holler. Still. I'm getting more nervous now.

Even more snippets.

Another gem from the girls at the call center. This is word for word, because I wrote it down soon after it happened. I have started to be on the lookout for more dumb things they say. Too bad it's illegal to record someone without them knowing. Hearing them speak is really the only way to get the full effect. Anyway:

Girl 1: yeah so unfortunately Ryan and Amy both got me the new Usher cd for my birthday.
Girl 2: Um, I'll take one!
Girl 1: I mean you can totally have it if I can't get any money back for it.
Girl 2: Do you have a receipt?
Girl 1: No...
Girl 2: Then you probably can't get a refund...
Girl 1: Oh my God that's so retarded.
Girl 2: I know right...

This girl also got a $75 Forever 21 gift card from her boyfriend (Ryan). He ALSO took her to the Melting Pot... their bill was $90. Oh, rich kids.

Then today there were two guys sitting hear me, which was a TINY bit better than listening to girls until they pulled this:

Guy 1: Dude bro [seriously, he said both of these together], at Lake Erie this weekend I saw the hottest chick I've ever seen in my life.
Guy 2: Dude, I don't really like, know your type of girls, so I can't really know if she's hot or not if you describe her.
Guy 1: Dude, seriously, though... she's so hot. Anyone would think she was hot. So I was just sitting there and she walked onto the beach and I was straight up staring at her, and she saw me so she gave me like this little wave. It was cute as fuck. So I was like, 'Ok, she's like, an inviting person.' So I just went up to her and started chatting with her, and got the digits, so we hung out the rest of the time I was there. Like... she's seriously a perfect 10. She is so hot. She's got like a perfect body, because she runs track, so her stomach is flat and she has nice legs and a nice ass and... she's so great on top. I'm thinking like, a high C cup. And her teeth are like perfect and she has pretty eyes.
Guy 2: So like, does she have a 6 pack or something?
Guy 1: There's a little definition there.
Guy 2: I mean, really you just want a flat stomach. You don't really want it too flabby or too muscle-y though.
Guy 1: Yeah she might have like a two-pack. But dude, seriously.. so hot. I would just do the most terrible things to that girl.
Guy 2: Dude then why are you even back at work? Why aren't you still hanging out with her?
Guy 1: Dude I have to work if I'm scheduled! But listen, she totally lives in Hillard! So I'm gonna try to get with that.
Guy 2: Duuuude seriously she is like RIGHT HERE! You should not even be at work right now.

Omg. This is seriously what I listen to ALLLLL DAAAAYYY.

Worst Dentist Experience of my Life

Well. I have just returned from the worst dentist trip of my entire life. Let's start at the beginning.

I was told last week at the dentist that magically, in the course of 6 months, I had 4 cavities develop, two of which were one level away from being root canals. A few problems with this. One, nothing in my dental hygiene has changed in any way, shape, or form in the past 6 months. So... that's odd. Two, I really just think it means that they missed it the last time I was in. Because I really don't think a cavity that severe develops in a matter of a couple of months. Maybe I'm wrong; I'm not exactly a dental expert, but whatever. It seemed fishy. So then they told me I needed to get them filled, and they suggested breaking it into two appointments. I was like um, false, I hate your office more than anything else in the world... I'm not coming back TWICE. Do it all in one appointment. They rolled their eyes (literally) and scheduled the appointment for today.

So I freak out all day today about getting these cavities filled. I get to the dentist's office at 2:45. They immediately ask how I'm going to pay for these. I just stare at them and say, "Um, you always just bill my parents, and they pay the balance when they're in..." And the lady just glared at me and was like, "Ummm... nooo... that's not how it works. You need to pay the balance the day you get work done." And I'm like... bitch you are crazy. I have been coming here BY MYSELF since I was 16, and I've never ONCE paid myself. So, no, you're wrong. And she was like [BIG SIGH] Well.... I guess JUST THIS ONCE we can let you go without paying..." Like... just get over yourself, please. I am not making this up. I don't have hundreds of dollars just laying around to pay you, and I never have. The hygienist was standing there to take me back, and as we were walking, she told me the policy just changed. Like.. okay. Do NOT act like I'm a freaking nut job when YOU just changed your policy!! what on earth.

So we go back, I sit in the chair. The hygienist is being super nice, and offered me a blanket because they keep the office at approximately 40 degrees (slight exaggeration but still). I wait about 5-10 minutes before someone comes in. It's the hygienist and the dentist. They ask me if I want laughing gas - clearly the answer to that question is ALWAYS going to be yes. So all they were apparently doing was numbing me. It seemed kind of dumb to give me laughing gas for a shot in my cheek... like, I get shots in my arm once a week, I get millions of shots in my back for allergy testing, I used to have shots in my cheek at my old dentist all the time. So it really is not a big deal for me. Then they tell me that they need to wait 10 minutes for the numbing stuff to set in, and they'll be back.

.... 50 minutes go by. I am getting FURIOUS. I text my mom, who tells me that numbing takes 30 minutes. That's fine, but they probably should have said 'thirty' instead of 'ten.' And there's no way I mixed up the numbers, because, well, ten sounds nothing like thirty. I finally get up and ask a hygienist how much longer it's going to take and she just says 'soon.' Okay, great. Soon. So I've been waiting for 50 minutes, and I'm already TERRIFIED about getting these fillings. So letting me sit in a chair for 50 minutes to ponder this is definitely making things better...?

By the time they come in, I'm like... near tears because I'm a mixture of utter frustration, anger, and fear. They pretty much begin drilling immediately. I have only felt worse pain twice in my life: when I had my ACL surgery, and when I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. It was just... complete agony. So I just start sobbing haha. Like... tears were FLOWING out of my eyes. They finally realize and finish up quickly. They THEN tell me that I should have TOLD them that it hurt. Right. Right. I was going to SPEAK while you had a drill against my tooth. Definitely. Then later the hygienist was like, 'You should have raised your hand!!' Right, again. I was going to hold up my right hand, risking hitting the dentist's hand, which is holding a drill inside my tooth, or hold up the left hand, risking hitting the hygienist's hand, which is holding the suck-y up-y tube against my tooth and could easily hit the drill. Right. Like... you've got to be joking. Somehow this all turned into my fault.

They asked if I wanted laughing gas. OBVIOUSLY. Like... you were going to give me laughing gas for a shot, but you weren't going to give it to me to DRILL INTO MY TEETH? Omg. So they put me on laughing gas again which was just fantastic. It's like being drunk but with no horrible side effects. So they finished up with the other cavity. But while they were working on it, they then took the time to start scolding me. "You really need to floss more." "You really need to pay more attention to between your teeth." Like... can you please stop? I'm sobbing, you are drilling my teeth in half, and you're scolding me? I think I understand that I need to floss more at this point. They then told me they highly suggested I come back later to get the other two, because I'm clearly in so much pain. At which point I agreed, because, well, I was drunk on laughing gas and just hated them so much that I just wanted to get out of there. And tears kept coming out of my eyes because, well, I'm still annoyed, and because once I start crying, it's hard for me to stop.

The dentist left, and left the hygienist to finish up doing whatever she was doing in my mouth. She then took my tears to mean I'm like, a gigantic baby, so she started treating me like I was 2 years old. Some of the various things she said:
-"You're going to smell a really stinky smell..."
-"Now I'm going to put water in your mouth.... now I'm going to suck the water up from your mouth... now I'm going to pull on your tooth a little bit... now I'm going to pull a little more..." Like... JUST DO IT. You don't need to walk me through every step!
-"You raise your hand if this hurts at all, okay?" (she literally just put the lamp in my mouth. The lamp. That dries the filling. ............ no, the light from the lamp does not hurt. Surprising, I know.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. So that was the dentist. Now my teeth don't feel like my teeth, and it stresses me out. The right side of my face is also still numb and does not seem to be getting any better any time soon. And I get to go through this all AGAIN next week for the other two cavities! HOORAY!

More snippets from work

I find that I work in a terribly boring place, yet it can sometimes produced some amusing anecdotes. I thought I would share some with you.

More on the recent Desales graduates:

[between one guy and one girl]
Guy: Dude, are you seriously reading Harry Potter right now?
Girl: Omg yesss, it's sooo good.
Guy: You are seriously the biggest dork ever. You are such a geek. It's kind of cute though.
Girl: Omg I know but I still love it. I don't like, go around telling people I love it though.
Guy: Yeah, people would think you're so weird.
Girl: Omg I know. Amy thinks its like the weirdest thing ever. She keeps calling me a freak whenever she sees me reading it.
Guy: Dude, I read the first three books and they're like, just so repetitive.
Girl: No, you TOTALLY have to read the last ones. They're SO much better.
Guy: Oh really? So I should like, read those?
Girl: Yeah, totally. I have them if you want to borrow them!!
Guy: [thinks is the funniest thing he's ever heard] Haha, okay. Do you like the books or movies better?
Girl: Omg, the books for sure.
Guy: Dude, yeah, Daniel Radcliffe is like, such an over-actor. He's so retarded. The movies are terrible. [slight exaggeration, but okay.]

I have found that their favorite words tend to be 'freak' (as in, 'omg you're such a freak!'), 'retarded' and 'gay'... clearly signs of their maturity level.

They also complain about how stupid customer service is, and how much it sucks, and how hard it is. They complain to the people who have been here for like 4+ years. Clearly they are going to get absolutely NO sympathy from us. Like... please. You just started. Shut up.

Another gem between a different guy and a different girl:
Girl: What are you doing tonight?
Guy: Going ouuuuut I can't wait [keep in mind that he's probably 20, tops]
Girl: Oh yeah? Are you drinking tonight?
Guy: A better question is will I be able to BREATHE tonight!! [chuckles to himself at the joke he just made]
Girl: What do you like to drink?
Guy: Um... beer?
Girl: Oh like what?
Guy: Bud light, Nati, whatever.
Girl: Ohh okay. So like is that the cheap stuff?
Guy: I mean, yeah. I used to drink Absolut like all the time because that stuff gets you fucked up but it's too expensive to drink all the time.
Girl: I like rum.

Oh my.

And then there's the customers:
Me: Okay ma'am, could I have you look in the bottom, right-hand corner of your order form? There should be a code in a box. Could you read that to me?
Woman: [long pause] ... do I have to unfold the order form?
Me: [equally long pause] ... yes. You would need to unfold the order form, if it's folded up. Otherwise you would not be able to see the order form, including the code.
Woman: [paper rustling] Oh, okay. I see the code now.

Or there's the similar conversation:
Me: Do you have your order form with you?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Could you read me the code that's located in the bottom right-hand corner of that order form?
Customer: I don't have the order form.
Me: ..... You just said you had the order form.
Customer: No, I just have the catalog.
Me: ... So you DON'T have the order form?
Customer: THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.

These are legitimate conversations that I have had MORE than once. Oh my gosh. Why do these people exist slash reproduce slash let their children go to school?

Random tidbits

As usual, my life has no one definite reason for me to actually ever write in this thing, so here's another jumbled assortment of things going on with me:

1. I took the CPA exam on Saturday. Let's just say it did not go well.
2. Right after the CPA exam, I left for Pittsburgh. It was a great, great time, minus one little incident but... c'est la vie. I suppose 48 hours cant be COMPLETELY perfect.
3. Now that I'm home, I'm ready to start packing up my place! The problem is that I don't know what to pack. I have 203489207 books (approximately), but I can't put them all in one box, because I'll never be able to lift it. My solution last time I moved was to basically just move in a few stacks of books at a time. I would like to have a slightly faster move-out this time, so does anyone have any suggestions on how to pack books?
4. Donny and I have started a wish list for our apartment. This feels creepily like a wedding registry, but oh well. It also is a little more out there than a wedding registry. For example, it includes things such as a punching bag, a shower curtain liner with low VOCs, and a beef jerky maker (guess whose additions those were). The beef jerky maker is what happens when Donny and I go into Sur la Table. Sigh.
5. A few weeks ago, my boss from OSU asked me if I was interested in grading papers for the PreMacc. I said yes. Somehow, 'grading papers' turned into 'teaching students how to do really difficult financial accounting problems for 3 and a half hours straight for 7 days.' FML. I'm terrified, mostly because these students HAVE to know this stuff going into it. And I have to like... prepare and learn how to do these problems myself. This stresses me out slightly.
6. I've lost my TV remote and this stresses me out even more than the thought of teaching a class full of students who are probably smarter than em. Like... it is NOWHERE in my apartment. So now I'm sitting on the couch, annoyed because now Kathy Griffin is on tv and I don't feel like getting up to flip through channels. Blah.
7. Round 4 of the CPA exam has commenced. I am 5 pages in. It is not going well. Not because it's hard... it's not. But it's because I have zero energy left for this. I would just like to get it done.

That is perhaps all.

Dumbbb

I'm a huge moron. For at least the past month or so, I've been convinced that I scheduled the next section of the CPA exam for this Friday, June 9th.

Nope. I did it for the 10th.

Meaning a few things:
1) I unnecessarily called off work on Friday.
2) My trip to Pittsburgh obviously cannot begin until Saturday afternoon, now. Meaning I will have less than 24 hours in Pittsburgh :(
3) I'm dumb
4) This is probably a bad omen to how the exam is going to go.
Sigh.

I CANNOT WAIT to be finished with this stupid section. Donny's roommate just took it and he didn't really sound very encouraging haha. Yikesss. If I can pass this one, I should be good to go, because apparently the one I saved for last is the easiest. Fingers crossed!
In other news, Pittsburgh will be MUCH NEEDED, even if it's only for a day. My paycheck that I'll get on Friday will ALSO be much needed!

As soon as I get back on Sunday, I'm going to start packing up my apartment. I don't care if it's a month and a half early. I am SO READY to be done with this apartment. The combination of sex boy and his roomie, the shady management, the people across the hall with the noisy bird and noisy dog, the people who honk their horns at 7 AM repeatedly until the person they're picking up comes out, the garbage trucks who let the giant dumpsters fall to the ground at 6:30 AM, the large amounts of dog poop people leave everywhere, and the crazy Indians who walk their children in strollers at 10 PM in the dark while wearing dark clothes so that you almost hit them with your car... have basically made me lose my patience.

If you're friends with me on facebook, you've likely already seen these pictures, but I'm posting some again just because I love them. Background: while at my grandparents' for the Fourth of July, I stole (slash borrowed) a container of pictures my grandma had. She like... could care less about pictures. She maybe took like 10 rolls of film the entire time my mom and uncle were growing up haha. And they're all just thrown in boxes now. There's ONE album she put together of pictures of them when they were little... the rest are still in the envelopes from the developer. Ohhh grandma. Anyway, here are some good ones...

This is my grandma, grandpa, and my mom on a road trip. My mom looks exactly like my sister Melaney here. Which is weird, because in other pictures she looks exactly like me or my other sister Lindsey. At least none of us were adopted?

I highly enjoy this picture. There are five generations here!! On the left is my great-great grandma Kreager, my great-great-great grandma Courson (she lived to be 101, crazy woman), my great-grandma (who died when I was in middle school) Williams/Dotson/Giles (yeah, she had three husbands) .. and my uncle Steve is in her lap. Then in the back is my grandpa, and he's holding my mom. So yeah, five generations. Awesome!

I just think that's crazy because the oldest person I've ever met from my family was my great-grandma... can you even imagine meeting your three-times great grandma? False. That's insane.

I wish I sometimes had something more interesting to say. C'est la vie.

Update:
It's about two hours after I made that original post. Guess what has happened to me since then?

THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH.

UGHHHHH. TWO DAYS before the CPA exam and I get the blue screen of death?!!?

Let's also recall that my computer CRASHED the DAY OF my CPA exam in April. THE SAME DAY. I had to go out and buy a new computer... aka this one. Clearly this is some sort of fate... I am obviously not destined to become a CPA. I mean... serious computer problems before taking two of the three sections? And I need my computer to study... it's not like I can just read the book. There are thousands of homework problems on the software that are really the best way to prepare for the exam. So yeah, apparently I'm not cut out to be a CPA... so glad I spent the last five years of my life and over $50,000 to be one. Not to mention countless hours of studying. FML.

Anywho, Ryan from HP (who secretly sounds like he's from the Ukraine or something) helped me and two hours later, my computer is currently running. Knock on wood. He also told me he can't guarantee he fixed it, which is just fabulous. Ohhhh HP and how I hate you and your computers. Cannot wait for my CPA bonus so I can buy a Mac.